Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Fat Superman and Snapper Carr!

Egad, if it's been a month, can I even say I have a blog?

Thanks to everyone for their patience and well-wishes.  We're coming along. Beloved continues her surgerypalooza tour and I've got work obligations at bay enough that I hope I can post more frequently for a while.  But here's a veritable cornucopia of goodness courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!

Next issue: Oprah sits down with a newly-slimmed-down Superman and discusses her love of bread.  This is why DC does reboots every other month.

Wonder Woman: The pinnacle of female empowerment... who daydreams of sewing buttons on her man's shirts.

Insert your own "Kellyanne Conway microwave" joke here.  

Finally, a look at the most pointless sidekick ever, the Justice League's Snapper Carr:


You know... it's easy to forget how awful a character Snapper Carr was.  He was originally meant to be a knockoff of a character from a character called "Kookie" from the tv show 77 Sunset Strip.  

The idea was that teen culture was emerging into the mainstream and the Powers That Be wanted a typical, "hip" teenager around.  Snapper varied widely in personality over the years: At first, he would speak primarily as you see above.  Over time, he dropped the slang and was as lacking in character as much as the other members of the League at the time.  The only thing he ever did that was interesting in the League was betray them.

Yeah, they kept bring Snapper back over the years.  He had his own team called The Blasters that was as successful as we all would have expected.  And for some reason, he was brought into both the Hourman and Young Justice series as well as a role in Final Crisis. But seriously... it's been 50 years.  They've managed to make some old characters quite awesome over the years, but this guy will never be one of 'em.

Thanks, Robert!

See you all soon!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

In Which We Learn How NSFW Robert Gillis is...

*Sigh*... it's been so long, I know.  What can I say?  Work.  And tomorrow, Beloved has the first of multiple surgeries she's going to have this year.  This is just one of those years.  Today's post goes out to Wayne Allen Sallee, who is sick of looking at that frozen salad.  Gordon Ramsey never commented on it, by the way.  I guess he's too good to notice a frozen salad.

Anyway, thanks to contributor Robert Gillis, we've got some new goodies!  Thusly:

Oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days?

Seriously, could the engine of doom be any more suggestive?  Wow.

And here's some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

I don't know... if you're the first brought to your knees, I think most people would agree you're the winner.

Wow, Robert Gillis has quite the eye for the double-entendre.  Thanks again, Robert!

Hopefully, I'll see you soon.  I know I'm missing more posts than I'm posting, but life ebbs and flows.  Best of fortunes to you until next time, Dear Ones!

Thursday, February 9, 2017

A Frozen Chef Salad and... Well, You'll Know it When You See It.

So, I opened the freezer at work wherest I keeps me afternoon burritos and found this:

Yes, someone froze a chef salad.  I tweeted it to Gordon Ramsey suggesting I found his next Masterchef.

Anyway, here's a bit from Superman Family #201 that... um... I just don't even know how things got to this point, so I'll just say this is contributor Robert Gillis's fault and leave it at that:

That's what happens when you forget the safe word.

Oh, did I type that?  I should hit delete.  Egad, we go down a randy road sometimes, don't we?  Thanks again, Robert!

See you soon!

Monday, February 6, 2017

Under the Radar

This week may be spotty at best, Dear Ones, but let's at least start it off right with a final look at Master Comics #50!

So, here's the Bulletman story where we see Bulletman take a stick of dynamite to the face:

It's actually amusing if you play the Looney Toons theme in your head while you look at it.  Anyway, here we see why Susan's career in the medical field never worked out:

Okay, if she can't tell the difference between "dazed" and "dead," I don't want anyone left in her care ever.  You'd be afraid to take a nap around the woman lest you wake up in a funeral home.

Anyway, she's not listening to Bulletman as per usual:

And then this happens:

So, Bulletman can take a stick of dynamite to the head and recover almost immediately.  But Susan?  One golf club to the head and she's out cold.  I'm not saying a golf club to the head wouldn't be unpleasant, mind you... but she clearly ain't no Bulletman.

Moving on to the previously-promised new hero, Radar.

Ugh.  I hate him already for nothing more than his name,.


Pep Pepper?  Okay, I'll give it to you that "Radar" is an improvement over his real name.


Oh, man... I want to see this guy get throat-punched so badly.

Oh, eesh.  Radar eyes?  Really?

You're overselling it, folks.  Radar Eyes is one of those powers that would be cool to have but boring to read about, second only to telepathy in sheer boredom factor.

See what I mean?

Okay... so are you not allowed to act as Radar if you're wearing plaid or something?  Or is the plain side of your coat some sort of signal that you're working, like the "on duty" light on a taxi?  What if you roll up the sleeves so that parts of both sides are exposed?  Do you have to pay for two tickets to see a movie?  This is really confounding me.

This is unintentionally hilarious:

Yes, tickling the dames with a mustache is a bona fide emergency.  If he tickles one of them with the mustache while wearing plaid, would it be cheating if he tickled the other wearing plain?

I am so done with this character but you know we'll see him again.

See you soon, hepcats!

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

CAPT. MMMmmmmm.....

Yes, I know.  I've become the worst blogger ever.  It's probably my advanced years.  Be patient with an old man.

Anyway, it's time for the landmark issue #50 of Master Comics!

Hmmmm.... well, I've got to say out of the gate that I don't recall Captain Marvel making me any promises of a new hero.  And frankly, I wouldn't have been very excited about this guy under the best of circumstances.  But considering that Captain Marvel Jr. had carried the title, I don't think it's cool that they shoved him in the background on the 50th issue.  Some folks have no gratitude.

Anyway, here's an ad for Wheaties I saw inside:

I know they want me to think it's the muscular guy who ate the whole case of Wheaties, but I'm going to reserve my guess for a few hours and see which one of them spends the next 48 hours glued to the seat of a latrine.

Anyhoo, the CMJ story posed all kinds of interesting theological and philosophical questions.  My first question is whether Freddy's strategy here would work.  

Oh, he got hit by a bus.  Did I forget to tell you that?  Because that's rather important.  Freddy got hit by a bus.

Moving on, do you think this would work?

Not that I'm blaming Freddy for trying, because I'd sure give it a shot.  Heck, I'll probably try every magic word I can think of when I'm about to pass this mortal coil.

Although I nearly died back in '91 and I didn't try any magic words.  Heck, I even turned down the offer of the priest... although I told the nun I was totally down with her praying for me despite my non-Catholicism.  I probably need all the help I can get.

Anyway, I don't think it would work because the Marvels are different people than their counterparts.  If you doubt me, look at how Billy and Captain Marvel refer to each other.

But Freddy never got the word out, so he's a ghost:

Yes.  For the second time in two issues.

And apparently the religions that believe in purgatory got it right, because Freddy is still wandering the earth with people of all moral persuasions:

I'm perplexed CMJ is perplexed, considering we just went through the same thing last issue.

Because this story did not follow the fundamental Christian version of the afterlife, my parents would have pooped watermelons if they'd caught me reading it.

Geez... cops everywhere except when you need one.

Anyway, this happens:

And we learn that a ghost doesn't breathe in air, but he exhales.  Because, COMICS!

AN HOUR LATER Freddy is revived?  That guy in the movie Crank was  apparently way too worried.  Man, I'm going to put "no matter when or how I died, I want an Adrenalin injection" in my Advance Care Directive.

See you soon!

Friday, January 20, 2017

The Ghost of Captain Marvel Junior... Spooky!

Yeesh, it's been another week?  I tell you, I don't remember being this short on time until the last year or so.  I'm not sure what changed.  Maybe me... maybe I'm just getting older and it's taking me longer to get everything done.  The calendar has it's way with us all.

Granted, I have been enjoying the PS4 and Netflix subscription I got over the holidays, but I really don't think that's it.  Hey, do you come here to get a few laughs, or to judge me?  And by the way, if you have Netflix and haven't watched Marvel's Jessica Jones, you're missing out.  It's one of Beloved's favorites, and I think it's dang good... but it's not for the kiddies.

Anyway, let's look at Master Comics #49:

Dang it, Lex Luthor!  Quit using my blimp!

I don't see your name on it.

I'll fix that!

It turns out Dr. Sivana wants to mix things up by having his face caved in by CMJ's fists for a change, so he creates a smear campaign:

Now, most heroes would probably just shrug.  Well, the cool ones would.  Superman would probably lose his mind if people weren't kissing his cape every second of every day.  But CMJ is a younger person, so he's got that youthful insecurity thing going on:

Why didn't the magic lighting go off?

Again... why didn't the magic lightning go off?

Okay, it's supposed to go off every time the words are said, not just when CMJ wants the words to bring the lightning down.  Egad, they're getting a little cocky at Master Comics.

Hey!  Random Ray Usage! (tm!)

And like most Random Rays, this one totally works.  Although why Sivana would want to put himself in a position where CMJ can haunt him without Sivana's knowledge, I don't know.  Then again, I don't have the smarts to come up with a Random Ray in the first place.

CMJ tries the magic lightning to see if Freddy Freeman will suffer the effect of the ray.  Thusly:

Why did Freddy choose to tickle Sivana rather than just clonk him over the head?  Because, comics!

Freddy decided he'd rather be a powerful ghost than a person with a physical disability.  I'm not sure I like the message this story is sending.

Hey!  I see some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Anyway, CMJ finally figures out that the way to solve the problem is to make it Sivana's problem.  Thusly:

Since spirits can touch each other, they can apparently beat on each other as well:

I'm a little confused as to how one can be intangible and feel pain, but comics!

Wait a minute.  All he had to do was grab the thing and hit the reverse button?  I guess the old "Wisdom of Solomon" was taking a backseat in CMJ's psyche that day.

Hold on... you'll join the thugs beating up on the police chief?  Why would you...

Okay.... you're beating up the thugs who are beating up on the police chief.  Because you said... you know what?  Never mind.

Well, at least they're honest that he's not gone for good.  That's a level of respect for a reader's intelligence you don't see a whole lot of in comics.

Well, sure... if you believe the liberal media!

See you soon!