Friday, May 12, 2017

Admin Note!

Hello, my lovelies!  Just a quick note to let you know that I will be on staycation next week (presuming work cooperates), so I'm taking a break.  I image I'll have some new posts on the 22nd or soon thereafter (although I've been struggling for getting material out of Master Comics... still, we're halfway through so I'll at least read 'em and see how everything turns out).  Stay safe and I'll see you soon!

-adam

Monday, May 8, 2017

SKWA-WA-WHOOM!


Contributor Robert Gillis reminded me that we haven't had new entries for CMNS Sound Effect Theatre (tm!) in a while, so here's a couple:



It's rather impressive that Brainiac was able to steal an entire city with naught but a "poof!"  I make more noise than that getting out of bed every morning.

But here's the one for the ages. 


SKWA-WA-WHOOM!

And just so you don't feel cheated out of your daily dose of Radar, the International Policeman, here he is showing us more of his suave ways with the ladies:


I think that's close enough to a sound effect, don't you?

This has been another installment of CMNS Sound Effect Theatre! (tm!)

Thanks again, Robert!

See you soon! 


Thursday, May 4, 2017

When You're Up against Hard Guys, You Have to Talk Cold Turkey.


Keepin' on with Master Comics #55!


Yeah, let's just get Radar out of the way:



Um... Pep, I don't think that date was going anywhere after your little comment.  Women don't like being told they eat a lot.

Anyway, something boring happens and then:


I have no idea what Radar meant by saying that, but I felt I should preserve it for the ages just in case it's some kind of code that we later learn gives us the location of an alien spacecraft or something.

Let's check in with Bulletgirl!


Hey!  Nice one!  Maybe she's getting better at hand to ...


Whoops!  Never mind!

Finally, let's watch CMJ fight Sivana's rubber creature!






Hmmmm... nothing to make fun of so far.  I wonder if...


Oh... spoke too soon.

Considering CMJ was a relatively serious title, that little bit of Saturday-morning cartoon slapstick is really out of place.  But it happened, so there you go.

Hey! Another interesting PSA!


Wow!  Growing milkweed for the war effort!  It's amazing the stuff we find, isn't it?

See you soon!

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

The Great Dr. Carver Must Not be Interrupted while He is Operating!


Hey!  It's Master Comics #54!


I'm not sure what a "pin-up buddy" is, but it sounds very self-centered on his part.  It's like me saying, "I'm your dashingly handsome friend, so here's a picture of me."  Seriously, history buffs... is this something people called themselves back in the day?


United Airlines: The Early Years.

Hey!  It's time for a Random Slap! (tm!) 


Yes, it's more of a "suh-lap," but the judges (being me) will allow it!  Random Slap! (tm!)

Let's pop in on Bulletman, shall we?



Oh, silly vanity!  This is going to be a fun story!  You can just tell!




Wow!  Well, I'll be this turns into a fable, where she realizes that appearance is far from everything and she recognizes her intrinsic worth as a vibrant human...


Egad!  Um... Hey, kids!  Comics!


Place an ad in the newspapers?  Was this how people found professionals back in the day?  Seriously, were there no Yellow Pages or something?





Another guy who can fly that fell for the "pit trap."  You know, if I could fly without limitations, I'd probably just hover an inch or two above the ground; partly to avoid pit traps and partly just to feel slightly superior to everyone I encounter.




Seems to me like Bulletman is screwing this up entirely.  Wasn't he supposed to get a picture of the doc doing his deed?  I mean, getting a picture of her under anesthesia isn't going to be damning evidence.  He kinda needed Dr. Carver to do his dirty work if he really wanted evidence.








Yeah, Bulletman isn't exactly on his "A" game today.  If you can't catch a loser like Dr. Carver, you probably should just take a personal day.



And that's where it ended.  Seriously.  That's it.  The mutilating maniac is still at large!  Hope you enjoyed the story, kids!


So, who was Bonita Granville, other than that she was "youthful"?  Well, she was in her early 20's at this time, so I guess "youthful" is an odd but applicable description.  She was an Oscar-nominated actress who was either popular or didn't charge much for endorsements.  Fun fact: The Bonita Tower (the first hotel building in the USA to use a solar heating system) and the Granville Steakhouse (which was renamed Steakhouse 55 around 2006) at the original Disneyland Hotel were named after her.  Who said you don't learn stuff at CMNS? 

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The Stunning Origin of Pierpont Peasly!


The Bulletman story was a yawn, but CMJ rarely disappoints!  Let's finish our look at Master Comics #53!



You know, Freddy, if you have so much time on your hands that you can spend the day on some guy's problem child, you might want to remember that WWII is still going on.


Right, CMJ?  Hmff, indeed!

Anyway, I guess babysitting is a whole lot more interesting to comic book readers of the 1940s than war, so...



You know, the kid might not be so cheesed off at the world if you didn't make him dress that way.  And I don't think that haircut lands him any points with the neighborhood kids, either.


That tickles!

Hey... I didn't tell you stop.



Really?  Rather than spending your time thwarting the Axis or rescuing people whose lives are in danger, you're going to hang out with a spoiled hellion out of spite?  

But don't worry, gang!  Rather than see CMJ tear into battleships, throw around tanks or fight enemy aircraft, you get great action sequences like:


Yeah!


What is with CMJ?  Seriously, why has this gone from being a "Hmff"-worthy waste of time to something worth dying for?


That's right, Home Alone.  Comics did it first.


Hmmmm... is it just me, or does it seem like he's about to give this kid a beating?



I always wonder why that sort of thing works on a character who can fly.

Anyway...


And I hate to keep coming back to this, CMJ... but WWII is still going on.


Why, CMJ?  Why wouldn't you ever be able to face yourself again?  Unburden yourself so we can get back to beating up Nazis.





So, this kid got under CMJ's skin so much that CMJ decided to just chuck the whole "secret ID" thing.


So, to review:

A)  CMJ changes to Freddy right in front of the kid.
B)  Freddy (who is a separate person) agrees that fighting this kid is a good idea.
C)  The kid, who is a "genius," does not connect the dots and fails to realize that CMJ and Freddy are one and the same.

At this point, the writers must have realized how ridiculous a corner they had painted themselves in and brought in a gangster:


And, at this point, I think we've all given up.


What kind of inventions does CMJ need?  I admit I'm now going to be rather disappointed if they don't follow through on this.

And here's a PSA from Captain Marvel, who seems to be the only one who remembers WWII is still going on.


Victory gardens were a pretty awesome idea.  But seriously... the Axis can have any beets I grow.  I tried bottled beet juice once.  Two words as to the flavor: Liquid dirt.

See you soon!